There is no fixing

The urge to write has been quite intense of late. As if words are moving through me with no regard for daily schedules, or sleep even.

The unfolding nature of life has been front and centre, witnessed most keenly this week in shifts I see in women I've been sitting alongside. I had a message from someone which stopped me in my tracks, as she noted the difference between being met with understanding versus being with someone who is trying to 'fix', even when this comes from a well-meant place.

I started to wonder how this seemingly subtle observation was in fact deeply significant. However innocent, the dynamic of 'fixing' implies a brokenness. And while we may all have felt fragmented at times internally, it is not a fundamental truth. Because when someone assumes the position of 'fixer' the power dynamic shifts. There's an inherent 'done to' vibe which suggests one is subordinate to the other. It renders the one who feels broken to believe they are, and it's incredibly debilitating and disempowering.

When someone is alongside you, and meets you in your vulnerability and honours it but doesn't define you by it, space opens up. And when the space is imbued with curiosity, gentle challenge and acres of compassion, it points to the same space of aliveness and potential in you.

It's not mystical or magical (though it can feel that way when we have been starved of compassion). We can find scientific explanations from text books or even poetic lyricisms to make sense of it. We can post-rationalise it and analyse it, but it's simple, human and relational. We've just forgotten how to be with ourselves and others when life gets hard.

In small, cumulative ways, I've watched women move through adversity and experience remarkable shifts. Despondency and disconnection turned into possibility. Through conversation, attunement, self-awareness, courage and openness I've watched women scale metaphorical mountains...out of stuckness into new adventures, from roles that shackled them into new, freer beginnings. 

The contexts are all different but the themes are congruent. Ultimately, they have all shifted their relationship with life. There's no quick fixing and the trajectory can get bumpy, but the depth is incomparable. The aliveness is unequivocal. 

And it mirrors my own transience as I move through midlife and all the ways it reshapes me. Sometimes raw and confusing, but also potent with possibility. Beginning again perpetually.

I work alongside skilled, caring women leaders who are carrying a lot, to help them return to the centre of their lives.